Big Hairy Deal

            Something you may not know about me is that I have a ton of body hair. For most of my life, it’s been my biggest insecurity. After years of painstaking hair removal and perpetual self-consciousness, I decided enough was enough and stopped shaving last fall. I felt that the only way I’ll ever be able to reach inner peace about my body was to let it exist in its natural state and let go of the fear of being scrutinized. After almost a year, I’ve grown to genuinely love my weird hairy bod. I feel like I was meant to be hairy and my legs, arms, belly, back, butt, armpits, toes, etc, etc, don’t look right without a layer of fur.

            Now I’m trying to work on taking my internal confidence and projecting it outward. As much as I like my hair, I’m still constantly worried about what others think of my appearance. I feel very self-conscious whenever my body hair is visible in public, and I’ll admit that sometimes I get the urge to shave it all off so no one will whisper about me as I walk by. I’m afraid of being ugly in the eyes of strangers and that fear holds power over me, but every day I’m phasing the fear out a little more. I took these pictures to celebrate my cute fuzz, but also because showing close-ups of (some of) my imperfections to an audience will help me to let go of my self-consciousness even more.

            High self-esteem is freedom and we deserve nothing less than that. It takes a long time and a lot of mental work, but it will all be worth it when I can wear a swimsuit in public with hair all the way up my thighs and not give a fuck. This is my advice: fight the forces that tell you that you are unworthy if you don’t change your appearance. Fight your personal demons. Know that there is power in being ugly and being okay with it. Take beautiful, vulnerable pictures of yourself and post them on the internet. Do what you need to in order to feel content with yourself, and don’t be hard on yourself if you haven’t reached that point yet. Remember that you are amazing always.

Love,

Allison

People's Parties

Shirt: American Apparel, shoes: Topshop, harness: homemade

This was my first time wearing my DIY harness out of the house. I'm glad I finally thought of a way to style this shirt besides just tucking it into a skirt! I feel like it has so much potential that I can unlock.

I wore this outfit to a friend's birthday party. I have a tendency to stay cooped up in my room and get really bummed out, so it was nice to get out of the house and socialize a little. I'm painfully shy and the idea of going to a party terrifies me, but I have to get out and talk to people once in a while or I get really sad and lonely. This party turned out to be very nice. I caught up with some dear friends who I haven't seen in a long time and even met some new people. Plus, how could I turn down an invitation to get dressed up?

Mad Scientist and Pride Musings

Thrifted top and skirt, sunglasses from etsy, bra from target, Rachel Antonoff for Bass shoes.

This is what I wore to Pride last weekend. Leave it to me to wear all black to a festival that's unofficially sponsored by rainbows and glitter.

Some might call these John Lennon glasses, but I can't look at them without thinking of a mad scientist (which is honestly the reason I bought them). It doesn't come through in these pictures, but the frames are a really bright gold. Also note that my lipstick is coordinated with my shoes.

I have mixed feelings about pride festivals. I think this comic is important to read for anyone who wants to go to pride. In mainstream GLBTQ events like these, people often celebrate the Neil Patrick Harrises of the world but are quick to forget the CeCe McDonalds. Pride has also gotten very corporate in some ways. Betty Crocker had a huge booth set up with a banner reading "Betty Crocker Loves All Families" and was giving away free cupcakes, and Target wrapped some trees in rainbow ribbons and handed out buttons. Jaded as I am, I can't imagine that these companies are there for any reason besides garnering support among an increasingly large pro-gay demographic. On the other hand, Pride can be a really affirming experience for some people and I don't want to invalidate that.

I also question whether I, as someone who doesn't identify as GLBTQ, should even go to pride. Is it even my place to critique it on this blog? Of course, I did go and I did eat the free cupcakes and buy overpriced french fries and people/dog-watch and have a great time. I don't know. Share your thoughts in the comments, and call me out if I've said something stupid!

Haircut Photo Diary

I'm not a person who takes hair decisions lightly. I can be fickle in my interests and I always worry that I'll regret any big changes. However, after a year and a half of the exact same hair I was starting to get antsy. I thought about getting an undercut for about a month before I finally went for it, which, for me, is as impulsive as it gets. The best thing about this kind of undercut is that it's drastic but also noncommittal, because it doesn't show at all when I wear my hair down. It lets me feel hardcore sometimes but allows me to keep my feminine, conventional hair for when I'm feeling less weird (or when I need to be """professional"""). Shout out to my sister for doing most of the shaving. Rebellious hair shenanigans are best when you do them in your bathroom.

Do It Yourself

bra from American Apparel

Part of my attempt to lead a positive, productive summer has been to keep consistently crafting. My most recent project was this harness made out of elastic and nylon washers. I've been lusting after harnesses from Zana Bayne, Chromat, and Hopeless Lingerie for over a year now, but I've always been too strapped for cash to spend that kind of money on a piece that I might be too timid to wear often. It took me forever, but I finally figured out that a simple elastic version of a harness would be an easy DIY project. $5 and an hour or so later, I had one. If you want to take a crack at this yourself, I recommend hand-sewing the elastic around the washers. I tried to use a machine, but it went wonky and I had to rip out a lot of tiny stitches.

The latest additions to my beloved denim jacket are embroidered constellations: gemini for my sister, and leo for me and both my parents. I'm excited to keep documenting the changes I make to this jacket. I have a lot more plans for it.

Sun Face

Thrifted shirt, blouse from French Toast (underneath), really old Mikkat Market shorts, Topshop sandals

Excuse/enjoy my hilarious faces in these photos. I guess that's what my face looks like when I'm facing direct sunlight. I looked even more uncomfortable in one shot, but I decided to spare you guys that one.

I'm really pleased to feature this shirt on the blog again. I haven't posted it much, but it's one of my all-time favorite shirts. It always gets a lot of attention when I wear it, most of it positive. I found it in a thrift store a few years ago and was baffled and delighted by it, and I'm still in love with it years later.

Blame It On My Wild Heart

This video is AMAZING, I highly recommend that you watch it! This version of Wild Heart is so beautiful and Stevie in action is just magical.

Topshop shoes, moon earrings (worn as brooches) from etsy, everything else thrifted.

When I bought this dress, it had shoulder pads, long sleeves, and an ankle-length skirt. As much as I liked the sexless Morticia Addams look, I'm happy with my decision to cut it short. Recently I've been gravitating towards black clothes and all-black outfits. It will be a fun challenge to try to style black clothes in interesting ways that still feel true to my style.