Birthday Dress

(Sorry for all the strangers in the background of this one, the park was kind of crowded.)

Yesterday was my 19th birthday! I celebrated by eating a lot of good food, finally seeing Pacific Rim, and drifting around Minnehaha Falls with my best friend. While I was there I ran into this cute outhouse and some nice purple wildflowers.

The dress I'm wearing here is several years old. It's Rodarte for Target, so it's from... 2009? 2010? I've worn it to a wedding, my high school graduation, at least one school dance, a halloween, and on a few regular days. It's fluffy and sweet and it's just one of those dresses that makes me feel happy, especially since there are so many memories attached to it. I paired it with some dark lipstick because I just feel wrong if I don't look a little spooky.

Pink and Green

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These are the rest of the pictures I took on my trip that I wanted to share here. Pink with dark green is one of my favorite color combinations, so it's no surprise that I was drawn to those colors in my photos. This vacation has made me want to bring my camera everywhere. It's amazing how easy it is to take interesting photos when you have a camera with you all the time! You never know when you're going to stumble across something beautiful. That's photography 101 I guess but I'm still learning the basics.

1. My actual dream house in Kingston, Ontario

2. A closeup 

3. Mist in the Catskills

4. A cross on my grandmother's wall

5. A new pair of shoes and my trusty Frida socks (taken by my sister)

6. Me wearing my grandmother's fur stole that she gave me while I was visiting (taken by my sister)

7. The nail polish that I picked off during a long car ride

Lepidoptera

I'm on vacation right now, so I thought I'd share my most aesthetically pleasing photos from the trip so far. It's interesting that when I compiled my favorite pictures, they ended up sticking to a color scheme. When I'm not taking pictures of my family I've been drawn to ethereal pastel colors and dreamy textures. Go figure, right?

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1. A hi-res scan of a moth cutie at the American Museum of Natural History
2. A giant piece of raw jade at the museum
3. Some kind of mineral at the museum (I was in too much of a hurry to read the plaque)
4. A huge jellyfish that was hanging from the museum ceiling
5. A creature we found at the beach. Any idea what it is?
6. Waves
7. Also waves
8. An ideal pin/collar combo (pin from this etsy store)
9. The sunset on the drive from New York to Ontario

Haunted Sister

Homemade harness, topshop shoes, everything else thrifted

I spent last Sunday being spooky in a local cemetery. It's a really peaceful, beautiful place to hang out. As you go farther back the graves get older and older, and some are so old that the engraving has worn off. The one in the fourth picture belonged to a civil war veteran. The mausoleums are so cool, but I've seen too many episodes of Buffy not to be a little creeped out by them.

I bought this little leather backpack for $3 a few weeks ago and it's become the most vital thing in my wardrobe. It's cute, practical, compact, and makes me feel like I'm going on an adventure every time I wear it! Small bags are essential to me since most of my clothes don't have pockets.

Today I'm on my way to New York! If you have any recommendations of a good place to go shopping/get shawarma in NYC, I'd love to hear them.

P.S. Thank you for all of your kind words about my last post! I got nothing but positive reactions (as I knew I would because you guys are all the best). The internet has the potential to be such a positive, powerful space and I love being reminded of that.

Big Hairy Deal

            Something you may not know about me is that I have a ton of body hair. For most of my life, it’s been my biggest insecurity. After years of painstaking hair removal and perpetual self-consciousness, I decided enough was enough and stopped shaving last fall. I felt that the only way I’ll ever be able to reach inner peace about my body was to let it exist in its natural state and let go of the fear of being scrutinized. After almost a year, I’ve grown to genuinely love my weird hairy bod. I feel like I was meant to be hairy and my legs, arms, belly, back, butt, armpits, toes, etc, etc, don’t look right without a layer of fur.

            Now I’m trying to work on taking my internal confidence and projecting it outward. As much as I like my hair, I’m still constantly worried about what others think of my appearance. I feel very self-conscious whenever my body hair is visible in public, and I’ll admit that sometimes I get the urge to shave it all off so no one will whisper about me as I walk by. I’m afraid of being ugly in the eyes of strangers and that fear holds power over me, but every day I’m phasing the fear out a little more. I took these pictures to celebrate my cute fuzz, but also because showing close-ups of (some of) my imperfections to an audience will help me to let go of my self-consciousness even more.

            High self-esteem is freedom and we deserve nothing less than that. It takes a long time and a lot of mental work, but it will all be worth it when I can wear a swimsuit in public with hair all the way up my thighs and not give a fuck. This is my advice: fight the forces that tell you that you are unworthy if you don’t change your appearance. Fight your personal demons. Know that there is power in being ugly and being okay with it. Take beautiful, vulnerable pictures of yourself and post them on the internet. Do what you need to in order to feel content with yourself, and don’t be hard on yourself if you haven’t reached that point yet. Remember that you are amazing always.

Love,

Allison

People's Parties

Shirt: American Apparel, shoes: Topshop, harness: homemade

This was my first time wearing my DIY harness out of the house. I'm glad I finally thought of a way to style this shirt besides just tucking it into a skirt! I feel like it has so much potential that I can unlock.

I wore this outfit to a friend's birthday party. I have a tendency to stay cooped up in my room and get really bummed out, so it was nice to get out of the house and socialize a little. I'm painfully shy and the idea of going to a party terrifies me, but I have to get out and talk to people once in a while or I get really sad and lonely. This party turned out to be very nice. I caught up with some dear friends who I haven't seen in a long time and even met some new people. Plus, how could I turn down an invitation to get dressed up?

Mad Scientist and Pride Musings

Thrifted top and skirt, sunglasses from etsy, bra from target, Rachel Antonoff for Bass shoes.

This is what I wore to Pride last weekend. Leave it to me to wear all black to a festival that's unofficially sponsored by rainbows and glitter.

Some might call these John Lennon glasses, but I can't look at them without thinking of a mad scientist (which is honestly the reason I bought them). It doesn't come through in these pictures, but the frames are a really bright gold. Also note that my lipstick is coordinated with my shoes.

I have mixed feelings about pride festivals. I think this comic is important to read for anyone who wants to go to pride. In mainstream GLBTQ events like these, people often celebrate the Neil Patrick Harrises of the world but are quick to forget the CeCe McDonalds. Pride has also gotten very corporate in some ways. Betty Crocker had a huge booth set up with a banner reading "Betty Crocker Loves All Families" and was giving away free cupcakes, and Target wrapped some trees in rainbow ribbons and handed out buttons. Jaded as I am, I can't imagine that these companies are there for any reason besides garnering support among an increasingly large pro-gay demographic. On the other hand, Pride can be a really affirming experience for some people and I don't want to invalidate that.

I also question whether I, as someone who doesn't identify as GLBTQ, should even go to pride. Is it even my place to critique it on this blog? Of course, I did go and I did eat the free cupcakes and buy overpriced french fries and people/dog-watch and have a great time. I don't know. Share your thoughts in the comments, and call me out if I've said something stupid!